There is cause for celebration for this midwife! This month alone not one but two of my poems were published. They have yet to emerge into the world but the approval has happened and one will appear online and one will be in the winter edition of one of my favorite literary magazines, Freefall. A lot of writers have told me along the way have minimized what it is like to be published. Almost as if it is a mere blip in life’s excitement meter and then it’s back to the grindstone. I agree that there is still writing to be done after a poem has grown wings and made its way into the world, but there is also reason to celebrate. It is a milestone. It feels like I’ve been put on the map and for some reason it makes me want to write more and more.
Perhaps the recognition is situated in that egoic place we all have, but it still feels good. I, for one am going to enjoy it to the fullest. After all, it’s all temporary anyway. I was also asked by the founding member of the RE: act collective in Calgary, Dymphny Dronyk, to be a featured reader in this years Poetry Shuffle. I was honoured. The Poetry Shuffle is a unique event where we start in one part of the city and make our way for 5 km to another part of the city, stopping along the way and listening to various poets at various venues. The theme this year was poems about Calgary and the flood. We followed our beloved Bow river all the way down to Inglewood where the Bow and Elbow rivers meet. Most of the places we read at were affected by the flood and at the time of some of the poems the construction on the river played like an orchestra in the background. For me, it was a pilgrimage and with every step we took, I fell more and more in love with this city. As we followed the river I felt a lot of healing taking place on many levels. It wasn’t just a poetry event.
I had the pleasure of reading in the Central library that was flooded in June and opened it’s doors only a few short weeks ago. This particular venue had a microphone, which intimidated me a little, but it also had coffee and cookies so it all worked out in the end. I was so nervous the yoga teacher came out in me and I had to get the audience to take a couple deep breaths with me. They willingly obliged. As synchronicity would have it, I also had the pleasure of reading with my long-time mentor, Richard Harrison. I have been working with Richard for almost seven years now and he was my professor in many of my English classes in University. There were some moments that felt surreal for me.
Richard Harrison and the Central Library Crowd
Today, I am still riding the high from that event. I feel changed by the poetry community, by the river, by this beautiful city. I am so glad I am a part of it. Tonight let’s raise our glasses to milestones, to recovery, determination and community. Calgary, thank you for being my city.
The Bow 10th St. Bridge
The Writer’s Midwife was conceived through my own journey with critique/feedback. I had been in a few critiquing circles and had seen different ways they could operate. Some were more gentle than others. Even with the experience in the gentle ones with rules so that it would not turn into a hack-and-slash-free-for-all, I quit writing for two years. I just couldn’t bear the weight of not being “good enough”. It wasn’t until I could see my work separately from myself that I began to see the value in feedback whether I wanted to hear it or not. Now I write all the time and do not let anything stop me. I am free to workshop my work with the focus being on what the poem wants to say. I view my poems as little entities sent out into the world and I am responsible for letting them speak in the cloak of my voice. It is a privilege and I want them to be the best they can be.
Having said that, “The Writer’s Midwife” has come up against some pressure about feedback and how to give it. I never started out thinking that the midwife in me would ever give feedback. That is an entirely different part of myself. I started this out by thinking that the midwife would embody the encouragement and compassion to keep others going on the path of writing and never, never give up no matter how much criticism and rejection a person came across on their writing journey. I never imagined myself giving the feedback. Having said that, I need to be clear, I do give feedback and I do critique and I have had awesome teachers to model how to deliver this. However, this is a totally different persona in my mind. This is the editor in me. The editor in me sees a work and divorces it from the person to a degree ( I know this is very post-structuralist or post-modernist of me? I can’t remember. I need to look up my literary theory handbook). It is not my goal to be ruthless, but I all of a sudden pull out my microscope and fall into the language and see the intricacies. The author disappears for a time. The author reappears for me after I formulate my feedback and experience of the piece. I deliver the feedback in my own voice. It is hard to give feedback because I recognize that writing is a vulnerable act and inevitably the author will take it personally unless her or she is prepared not to. Therefore, I keep the two separate: the editor and the midwife.
At least, I would like to. I am starting to notice that people are coming to me and wanting advice on their pieces. I have also noticed that I have to prepare them for the difference between the two voices. The midwife and editor come from the same place in that they both want to see the birth of a work living up to its full and bloated potential. Both of these personas recognize the true and blossoming potential of the writer as well and wants to see them show up to the world when they are truly ready. However, with that comes the tough love with raw and honest feedback.
A person would benefit from being completely ready for this. I was not and I stopped writing. Being “in the closet” is not a bad thing if you find yourself too vulnerable to receive anything other than praise. Stay there until you are ready to emerge and make the work better. I retreated back into the closet for two years, sometimes quite literally. It was a much different feeling when I re-emerged. Now, I don’t workshop a work unless I’m stuck. I go by the feeling in my body when something is finished and it is invigorating. As my mentor, Richard Harrison, says, work the poem until it has nothing left to say. By whole body lets out a great sigh when a poem has nothing left to say. Even at this stage, another author who I admire, Barb Howard, told me to find the gift in rejection. Writer’s constantly grow and they can rest assured that they will look back at the rejected work and be grateful their “shit” was not published, after all the writer may look back and not like their earlier work. Although, I think we should also be gentle with ourselves and realize where we were at the time it was written whether it was published or not.
When I was listening to a CBC interview with Toni Morrison, she said that writing was the only thing that was hers. She owned it. She was the authority. No one else could judge it or put labels on it while it was safely in the writing stages. Enjoy the autonomy that writing gives. Remember that you are in control. If you find yourself seeking approval, recognize this and acknowledge this need, but also remember that this may not be the time to send your work out to the world. Enjoy the safety and playfulness of the stage when writing is just that, writing.
When Bob Stallworthy graciously spoke to the Skin & Stories workshop this past Monday, he really cemented the magic of poetry for me. Bob Stallworthy is a poet, although he was speaking to all genres. Naturally, the first question that flew his way was, “What the heck is poetry, anyway?” With that question I immediately was transported to this place of wondering how I would write poetry if I had no idea how. More importantly, how do you teach poetry to someone who has never dabbled in the genre? After pondering this question for some time, I realized one of the most important things a person can do who wants to write poetry is to READ it! High Schools have ruined many future poets with their boring worksheets on “elements of poetry”: personification, metaphor, simile and alliteration. Poetic devices. No one reads poetry and thinks, “Oh! There is some personification!” Unless that person sets out in search of those devices, they don’t usually surface that way. Poetry works as a whole. Poetry is an experience and we get the pleasure of seeing a poem work the magic of language.
Poetry has been one of those forms that I naturally gravitated towards but never knew what I was doing. Even now, when I workshop a poem (get it critiqued), people will notice something such as a line break or the placement of a word that created an effect I had no idea was there. My unconscious mind wraps itself around poetry quite easily and it isn’t until I rework a poem that I get to ask myself what just happened.
Currently, I am reading a book called, Nine Gates: Entering the Mind of Poetry by Jane Hirshfield which is indispensable when attempting to ask the question: What is poetry? Hirshfield defines it as, “the clarification and magnification of being.” My mentor, Richard Harrison, would define it as “the dramatization of a voice” whereas, a short story as the “dramatization of a character” and the novel as the “dramatization of a world.” For me, poetry is less about emotion and feeling and more about a focus and a dance with language. Poetry gives you very little space to move around in, so everything has a purpose. Every comma, period, line break and combination of words had its own meaning that also works with the poem as a whole. Rhythm emerges in the cadence of the speaker’s voice. Lastly, it is about experience of an event which Bob pointed out to us. I always look at poetry as a ride through someone else’s gaze, someone else’s lens. I get out of my own head for a while when I read poetry. I want to be along for the ride!
If you are attempting to write poetry for the first time, try to abandon everything you were taught in high school and write about an experience…I have the most fun when it is seemingly inconsequential such as your fish swimming around on the mantle or my baby girl kissing the spines of books in the shelf. These apparently insignificant memories trudge up meaning when set to poetry…you might be surprised what you find.